Dear scale: I hate you, but I love you!

So my weight's been fluctuating like crazy lately. Water retention, binging, starvation, bloating. You name it. I know better than to get on the scale every day but do I listen? Nooo, why on earth would I do something as sensible as follow my own sound advice? So I torture myself almost every stinking day. I will only do it if I'm home and not in an insane rush; always after my shower and having used the bathroom and completely naked (I've since moved the full-body mirror from the front of the damn scale... I'm not that much of a masochist!).

But I digress, this morning I hopped on and saw with mild pleasure that my weight was 154.4lbs. Granted I went out drinking on an empty stomach and pissed my face off so that may have something to do with it. I can feel myself being overcome by the power of the scale, it consumes me to the point that the number that pops up in the morning determines my mood for the rest of the day. When I posted my stats yesterday I listed what I was on the 9th, I have an app on my phone for tracking weight, here's what's gone on (and up and down) since December 9th:

• Dec 9th - 156.2lbs
• Dec 14th - 155.0lbs
• Dec 16th - 154.8lbs -> Quick trip to NY, lots of good food and drinks and then...
• Dec 20th - 157.0lbs
• Dec 21st - 158.0lbs
• Dec 22nd - 157.0lbs
• Dec 23rd - 154.4lbs

See that shit ^? That's why I shouldn't weigh myself daily. There's no way in hell I actually, literally lost 2.6lbs overnight. There isn't. I just really starved myself after lunch and then drank my calories instead. So yeah, they'll creep up on me, and I will bitch and whine. Story of my goddamn life. I don't understand why it's all so simple in theory but I just seem incapable of breaking the cycle!

Here I am considering Chipotle for lunch... and I will get pissed when someone (mom) mentions that I can't bitch about being fat if I don't control what I eat. Again, idiotic on my part. I have no self-control, none whatsoever. I have no sense of commitment, and I don't follow through with shit. But I want to change. I really do... Here's hoping "/.